I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
