remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
