I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
kristin has been a bad kristin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
