he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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