all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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