im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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