my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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