After last night, I could never be a politician.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
