So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
