Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
