I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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