i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He keeps bees of course he's weird
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
