i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
