how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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