I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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