I didn't shave. On purpose
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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