can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
