We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
