she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
