I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
