Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
