How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
