Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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