Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
