sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
