Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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