I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
