Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
