My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
