i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
