I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
