i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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