Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
