I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
