What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
