Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
