he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
