I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
