I'm jealous of your bromance
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
