I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
