She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize