I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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