He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
