Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
