He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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