So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize