New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
