I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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