your parents love me but you hate me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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