So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
