I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize