wanna go halves on a baby?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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