I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
