Please, let me fuck your mom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
