Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
