he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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