so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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