Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
