some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
