so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
