You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
