I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
