a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
