This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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