he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ate ashes out of my bong
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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