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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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