Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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