I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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