between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
