I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize