Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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