i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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