Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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