i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
