this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
