FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
