she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone came in the potted fern
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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