my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
