I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
