So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
