i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
