Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
